I loved the months that I spent anticipating motherhood. Knowing that a beautiful and profound change in my life was on its way floored me and flushed me with joy. When you are expecting, every second of that time (waking and sleeping) is consumed with physical and emotional reminders. Our baby was due this week.
On Friday morning, May 18, I would post up the following:
“She drove to work with a tired and tenacious energy that was echoed by the shirtless meatheads wandering the freeway to detect the source of the traffic back-up. The orange sun rose hot in the sky, the particulate matter that hung around the big city reflecting the harsh, yet glorious glare of entropy. She took a deep sniff of the coppery exhaust of mankind and smiled to herself, grateful for another day to dance in the acidic rain of life.”
It was a day just like any other day and I was feeling exhausted but full of a life force to create and to make new beginnings. At 3:00 pm that same day, I found out I was pregnant. That rain of life would mist a precious new head. Entropy suited me perfectly. I vacillated between crying happy tears and frightened, shocked tears.