• Anxiety – The Canary in a Coal Mine

    What if I told you that anxiety can sometimes be good for you?  That’s right.  That horrible, gut-churning feeling and runaway train of a mind can be the proverbial canary in a coal mine.  It can warn you of toxicity entering in to your life before it affects you on a more profound level. I have had a few brushes of anxiety in my lifetime.  It has taken me a few times to recognize it for what it is.

    When the little bird first began to show signs of struggle, I was so out of touch and unaware of my mind-body connection that I didn’t recognize it as anxiety. I had just moved to Houston, my first really big city, and I couldn’t figure out why my heart was beating so quickly at night when I lay down to sleep. I would gulp for air and try to quell it, wondering if I had a heart condition. I went to a few doctors picked out of a phone book with these strange, unkempt offices and dismissive staff which served to amplify the beat of my already stressed heart. They hooked me up to various EKG machines, listened to my heart and asked me questions. After two or three dead-ends, one doctor finally suggested it must be anxiety. I was completely confused and taken aback. I was somewhat offended to think that someone was implying that I couldn’t handle life. And what’s more, I kept telling myself that I had absolutely nothing to feel anxious about. My life was just fine.

    As I adjusted to my new job and surroundings, the anxiety slowly began to fade and then reared its head again as my marriage was failing. Once again, I didn’t recognize it for what it was and visited a few doctors about my unknown condition that was causing shortness of breath, heart palpitations, nausea, TMJ, weight loss, shaking, insomnia, nervousness, and exhaustion. It would get worse when I was anticipating an event that I wasn’t interested in attending or spending time with people that didn’t act in line with my values.

    Read more

  • Welcome to Discover Sukha!

    “I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted.” ~Jack Kerouac

    Thank you for stopping by my blog!  The idea for this site was seeded quite some time ago and I finally decided to give it some legs.  I hesitated to launch this site for two reasons: 1) disjointedness of my ideas and 2) privacy.

    I love to write, but topics I find myself spilling out are all over the board.  Some days poems crystallize in my head, and other days I like to live in fantasy lands and dream up stories involving anything from feral cats to teenage dramas, which I suppose have some parallels.  At some points in my life, I’m highly focused on my health and quality of life.  On some days, unfortunately, I encounter major impediments to my well-being.  On those days, I write to determine how I can prevent that from happening again.  I write to thoughtfully berate myself.  More importantly, I write to encourage myself to get back up no matter how many times I fall.

    I vacillated about how personal my entries should be.  Please give me latitude as I stumble around and try to determine where my Goldilocks Zone is.  I want what I share to be “just right.”  So, I guess my life is something of an open book.  But it is a book that sits dusty on a shelf.  Like a 1990 encyclopedia – never investigated too thoroughly.  Some of the information might be correct but it is frozen in time as I add it to this site.  And I’m sure some of it I’ll look back on and laugh at the naivety, like that 1990 encyclopedia referencing the internet.  But my life will not be as open and accessible as a People magazine at a nail salon. Some things must be kept tucked away in that odd cabinet in the living room.

    One thing I’ve learned in my 30-odd years on this planet is that all of us tend to have the same struggles and epiphanies.  We may have them at different points in our lives and to different degrees but, all said and done, we experience the same emotions.   I feel we can all learn and grow from each other in this capacity. I don’t see any reason to keep our lives wrapped up tightly and our experiences held so closely and hidden.  I find that this wisdom that comes from living is often times only gleaned when people die.  It’s a shame because I think they have often withheld insights and stories due to the fear of being judged.  Once they are gone, we discuss their life and simply accept them for who they were.  We lament we weren’t able to assemble their thoughts.  How would they have lived differently?  When would they have tried harder? When would they have released earlier?  Read more